Guide To Owls

Burrowing Owl

If you think your parents hate you, you should know what this owl thinks about you.

There is probably no animal on the planet, extinct or alive today, that is not intrinsically amusing. Humour may manifest itself through the helpless stupidity of a creature, the apparent ridiculousness of its evolutionary design or some other preposterous feature.

It is impossible to choose a single creature above all others, when there are so many stupid lizards alone. And what about kestrels? But I will tell you one thing, and one thing only, amongst all the other things I will tell you:

I really like owls.

Owls have been around ever since there has been an evolutionary advantage to sitting on a tree in the middle of the night and hooting at people lost and/or abandoned in the dense woodland. They are direct descendants of frogs, after one particular example of the amphibian species was tared, feathered and thrown around until its neck became dislocated. At which point, it became even grumpier than your average frog.

The word ‘owl’ is, itself, hilarious. Don’t ask me why. I wasn’t really planning on writing this much, but here we are. Trapped in an elevator of awkwardness. We might as well mate, now. Come on.

Nowadays, owls can be spotted on the subway, reading science fiction classics while drinking frappachinos.

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