Trending on Twitter today is the phrase #WaysToGetOffThePhone. Most of the tweets are a little disappointing. Here is my contribution, which is slightly less disappointing. Only slightly, mind you.

1. Say you will call back before yelling Mum! Mum! For God’s sake, get your clothes back on, Mother! #WaysToGetOffThePhone

2. Say you need to urinate #WaysToGetOffThePhone

3. Say you are CURRENTLY urinating #WaysToGetOffThePhone

4. Declare that you are suddenly drunk and speak incoherantly for the rest of the call #WaysToGetOffThePhone

5. Ensure that everything you say is a quote from a Shakespearian play #WaysToGetOffThePhone

6. Play Rebecca Black in the background #WaysToGetOffThePhone

7. Use an Arnold Schwarzenegger or equally annoying ‘Sound Board’ #WaysToGetOffThePhone

8. Make them repeat themselves three times, everytime they speak, until they’re suicidal #WaysToGetOffThePhone

9. “Are you naked, too?” #WaysToGetOffThePhone

10. Read aloud, ‘Go The Fuck To Sleep’ #WaysToGetOffThePhone

11. Incessantly try to sell them life insurance #WaysToGetOffThePhone

12. Sorry, I have to take the other line. It’s @piersmorgan and I fear he might have something interesting to say #WaysToGetOffThePhone

13. I’ll call you back, I just saw @TOMayorFord tying kite string across a bicycle lane #WaysToGetOffThePhone #TooSoon

If these didn’t make you cry, you can follow me on twitter here: twitter.com/stuhall

If they did make you cry, check out some of the tweets coming from other people or, better yet, tweet your own.

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